“There’s no such thing as a free lunch, I make them pay me to eat it!” says The Blonde Balloon
‘Greed got me where I am today’ said Fat Boy Johnson
The Met reclaims streets from Clapham Common protestors
The Met reclaims the streets from women standing quietly, holding candles and remembering the life of a woman, brutally murdered by a man.
ITV airs three hours of silence in memory of Piers Morgan
Piers Morgan quits Good Morning Britain after being beaten up by the weatherman.
Track and Trace Consultants are ‘Geo’ cashing in
It’s a brilliant solution, we can sit back and trouser the readies while unpaid volunteers do all the work, kerching!
Priti Patel claims she is innocent after massive pay-off to bullying victim
We would like to make it clear that there is no suggestion that an enormous cash pay off in anyway suggests that Priti Patel is guilty, absolutely not.
Gove confirms he hasn’t got any mates to give PPE contracts to
At times it’s hard to be Tory, when you don’t have any friends to give fat, juicy, Corona Virus contracts to.
Thames Water to use politicians bullshit to power homes
There are plans to extend the renewable energy scheme to Town Halls, Churches and Piers Morgan’s studio.
Meghan and Harry announce they are expecting second slice of cake
Meghan and Harry announce that they are going to live a more private life in the full glare of world wide publicity.
“We did all we could,” says the Captain of Titanic
It was a titanic success says the government despite evidence to the contrary.
Boris Johnson announces new ‘Clap for Clap for carers’
Look, I need a gimmick to distract people, otherwise they will realise that this shit show is all my fault
Do the quake and Vax, and put the vaccine back
Anti-Vaxxers outraged that the EU want to get their hands on a vaccine that doesn’t work!
The Shite strikes Free Trade Agreement with Mordor
The Shite strikes a Free Trade Agreement with Mordor because it is a long way off and hard to get to
The Chatty Chimp 