Boris Johnson’s responds to the flooding crisis in South Yorkshire by sending his favourite bath-sponge. They aren’t Tory consituencies, so why bother?
Boris sends his favourite bath-sponge to help the people of South Yorkshire
ELO’s Jeff Lynne Is Excited To Be Returning To His Alien Homeworld
As he plans his return to his home world, Jeff Lynne wonders how we never realised he was a space alien. The clues were all there!
Boris Johnson To Outlaw Furniture Following Popular Sky News Chair’s General Election Run
Boris Johnson has been losing ground to the Sky News Office Chair and has responded by outlawing furniture. Meanwhile The Chair’s popularity increases daily
Fat Cats get to work fewer hours for more money
Fat Cats will get a shorter working week, i order that they may better spend their incredible pay packets.
Sky News Office Chair To Run In General Election
The Sky News Office Chair is to run in the General Election. Since out performing James Cleverly in a recent interview, the chair’s popularity has soared.
God’s message to humanity
After an American Congressman said “Don’t worry, God will sort out climate change”, God responded.”Last time I was here it was a paradise. Now look at it!”
James Bond has his licence to kill revoked
Mr Bond has had his licence to kill revoked. No longer will he be allowed to kill, blow up undersea bases or sleep with women.
The Conservative Party Apology Template (GE19 Edition)
Once again the Tory party has managed to offend just abouit everyone who is not a party member. Here is the party’s apology template, for daily use.
Teachers claim “there are not enough hours in the day” so the DfE has increased the day to 27 hours
In its relentless drive to make teachers lives more miserable, the DfE has added 3 extra hours to the day, claiming that ‘now there are enough hours’.
“Sorry, forget my own head next” says Jacob Rees-Mogg
Even though the Election isn’t underway the strain is clearly telling on JRM. Thinking he was discussing Brexit, it turned out to be Grenfell. Juggins!
Tory wins seat after saying “Benefit claimants should be put down!”
Tory candidate wins seat in GE2019 by a landslide after suggesting that Benefit Claimants should be put down. Tory HQ very excited by the proposal.
Derby County – A Moral Example to Us All
Derby County have selflessly sacrificed Richard Keogh, Unfair to suggest that at 33 he’d cock all to offer so its not much of a loss, very unfair indeed
The Chatty Chimp 