Well, if he wants him, he can have him, I’m off to get a puppy!
Lockdown divorce after husband wins the love of his wife’s cat
Booker Prize For Fiction goes to Dominic Cummoffit
Described as a fantastical tale, that confused the reader and explained nothing, the prize committee said it was a worthy winner.
Government ruse extends Cummings garden by 250 miles
It’s not his fault his begonias are 250 miles away! he is allowed to tend his own garden.
Quarantined footballer discovers a book
Man Utd player asks for the EPL to be delayed so he can finish his book
Bojocchio becomes locked in Downing Street
As Bojocchio’s nose kept growing, every time he spoke, the emergency carpenter’s services are to be retained on a permanent basis.
The Great Lockdown Escape Plan, featuring every Tom, Dick and Harry
Dig your way to victory.
Making money is more important than lifesaving, says hedge fund manager
Look, it is the job of a hedge fund to fleece the market if it goes up or down, we don’t care which.
Cabinet Ministers, hedge fund managers and wealthy businessmen launch a £3B Social Aid Fund
Having benefited from everything that our society has to offer, it was the least we could do to give something back.
Seagulls useless at fishing
Seagulls have lost the ability to fish, since the bins are empty and no one has a bag of chips they can rob, they are starving.
Following Boris Johnson’s miraculous recovery, the Pope is to sanctify Donald Trump
Campaign to have Donald declared St Trump after he miraculously cures Boris of Corona Virus.
Chatty urges you to Clap for the Clapped Out Clappers
It started as a good idea but now its got out of hand, people were even out clapping for politicians that a month ago they would have burned at the stake.
Baccy giant BAT Bowled By Covid
‘One guy eats an undercooked bat and now we’ve got to change our name.’ moans BAT exec
The Chatty Chimp 