At times it’s hard to be Tory, when you don’t have any friends to give fat, juicy, Corona Virus contracts to.
Gove confirms he hasn’t got any mates to give PPE contracts to
Thatcher stops spinning in her grave as Boris becomes most hated PM
Margaret Thatcher has stopped spinning in her grave now that Johnson has taken her title.
Tory Whips punish MP for ‘moral epiphany’
The trouble with whipping the little darlings is that the stiffer the punishment the more they like it.
Priti Patel plans to cut homeless people in half, literally
With their hands full mismanaging Covid and Brexit, the government is struggling to keep up with some of its 2019 Manifesto promises. However, Home Secretary Priti Patel has been working hard to […]
Lawyers acting for the baby demand paternity test
Spokesmen for Eton, Oxford U and Ford Open Prison have confirmed that the baby is on the waiting list.
Jacob Rees-Mogg wins BAFTA for his role in Dracula
Jacob Rees-Mogg wins a Best Actor BAFTA for Dracula. He was so believable as the callous, rapacious blood sucker, it was as though he were a Vampire.
Breaking News – The Boris Johnson acceptance speech
Boris promises to do the best he can with what he has got. Dominic says it will be alright in the end.
Patient sues NHS after receiving blood from a Tory donor
Labour Party member is suing the NHS after receiving Tory blood during an operation.
Busier than a Boris Johnson fact-checker
A Boris Johnson fact-checker has had to sign off work due to stress and overwork. He was unable to cope with all the lies, errors and misinformation.
Boris sends his favourite bath-sponge to help the people of South Yorkshire
Boris Johnson’s responds to the flooding crisis in South Yorkshire by sending his favourite bath-sponge. They aren’t Tory consituencies, so why bother?
Sky News Office Chair To Run In General Election
The Sky News Office Chair is to run in the General Election. Since out performing James Cleverly in a recent interview, the chair’s popularity has soared.
The Conservative Party Apology Template (GE19 Edition)
Once again the Tory party has managed to offend just abouit everyone who is not a party member. Here is the party’s apology template, for daily use.
The Chatty Chimp 