Prince Andrew surprise favourite to be the next PM. He’s not Jeremy and compared to Boris Johnson he is a saint and he never lied to his mum.
Prince Andrew surprise favourite to be the next PM
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Jeremy and Boris go head to head on Countdown
Jeremy and Boris go head to head in a special edition of Countdown. Both failed in the numbers game, neither could make them add up!
FA releases an album of the football fans greatest chants
The FA release an album of football fans greatest chants. Spread Xmas love with “Dirty Northern Bastards” and “It’s nice to know your here, now fuck off!”
World’s greatest detectives can’t find a politicians promise being honoured
The World’s greatest detectives have been unable to find any evidence of a politicians election promise being honoured. “It’s all bull” says Miss Marple
EU Immigrant wins British money in Euromillions lottery win
Immigrant wins British money in EU lottery. Daily Mail readers devastated at immigrants coming over here winning our money and shagging our builders
Leaders Debate poll results show all four lost
Polls following the latest Leaders Debate show that all four candidates lost. In a verdict that spells disaster for the UK, they were all equally useless.
FCA Forced to clean up their own mess
It seems that someone at the FCA has been leaving little parcels of joy on the bathroom floors. Maybe they’d been mis-sold PPI
Queen’s speech refers to Annus Horribilis II but which annus does she mean?
Her Maj refers to Annus Horribilis II, but it is unclear to which Annus one is referring
Musk says ‘Tesla Ich bin ein Binliner’
The world’s fastest growing car company set up their European base in Germany, not Britain because of Brexit. It’s like Musk doesn’t know we won the war!
Driver accused of killing the planet by having a full tank of petrol
Driver commits the environmental sin of ‘tanking’, where running with a full tank burns more fuel than using just enough petrol to get to your destination.
Fat Cats get to work fewer hours for more money
Fat Cats will get a shorter working week, i order that they may better spend their incredible pay packets.
“Sorry, forget my own head next” says Jacob Rees-Mogg
Even though the Election isn’t underway the strain is clearly telling on JRM. Thinking he was discussing Brexit, it turned out to be Grenfell. Juggins!
The Chatty Chimp 