Putin’s fool proof plan to fool fools, guarantees you power for evermore
Where’s Wally sponsor Boris’s world-beating Track and Trace Programme
The 3 book training programme; Wally goes to Barnard Castle, Wally goes to Specsavers and Wally’s in the Rose Garden.
Government ruse extends Cummings garden by 250 miles
It’s not his fault his begonias are 250 miles away! he is allowed to tend his own garden.
The Internet cannot be broken by a post about plastic hooks, says Expert
A post about yellow plastic hooks can’t break the internet says expert but Traci says hers stopped working after viewing the post
Quarantined footballer discovers a book
Man Utd player asks for the EPL to be delayed so he can finish his book
Bojocchio becomes locked in Downing Street
As Bojocchio’s nose kept growing, every time he spoke, the emergency carpenter’s services are to be retained on a permanent basis.
BBC News coverage to be cut to 10 minutes a day
‘Same shit different day has never been more true than now, we may as well save some dosh’ says BBC Exec
Cupid issues a public apology to Carrie Symonds
“I’ll get myself down to Specsavers, should have gone there in the first place” says Cupid
Cabinet Ministers, hedge fund managers and wealthy businessmen launch a £3B Social Aid Fund
Having benefited from everything that our society has to offer, it was the least we could do to give something back.
Chatty urges you to Clap for the Clapped Out Clappers
It started as a good idea but now its got out of hand, people were even out clapping for politicians that a month ago they would have burned at the stake.
As air quality improves the Eiffel Tower is now visible from The Shard
Would you adam it? fuckin’ Paris, says The Mockney Lad.
Remember to delete your browsing history before you’re admitted to hospital
Turns out that Grandad had secret passion for One Direction, I just thank God that no-one else knew about it