We’re all doing very well, says Government. We are ordering the fetish wear because we want to make sure staff are fully protected and not because we forgot
NHS Staff to be fitted with Gimp Suits to meet PPE shortage
Teenage boys in danger of dehydration from excessive ‘activity’ warns Doctor
Teenage boys likely to engage in ‘activity’ more often than a Bonobo on Crack
Theresa May hospitalised after pissing herself with laughter at Boris’s troubles!
Theresa has become severely dehydrated as she is constantly pissing herself with laughter. If Boris doesn’t stop it could kill her.
At least the Corona Virus will reduce pension payments, says Boris
Not only will this free hospital beds, allow us to cut social services, solve the TV license problem we will save a fortune in pension payments
In the face of a national crisis, Boris rekindles the Blitz Spirit
Please gather together in tube stations and sing rounds of ‘My Old Man’s a Dustman’
Burglar given benefits after everyone starts working from home
“I provide a valuable social service” says burglar.”I shouldn’t lose out just because I can’t work from your home!”
As the toilet paper shortage begins to bite, Greta Thunberg urges people to recycle
“Please recycle your used bog roll, save the planet and don’t destroy my future” says Greta
The Police launch hunt for 20,000 missing Bobbies
“You’d think 20,000 men in pointy hats would be easy to find, but no, not a sign of them” says Chief Constable
Doctors plan to solve Britain’s sperm shortage by raising the dead
Doctors plan to solve Britain’s sperm bank shortage by raising the dead. In a boost for fertility clinics, sperm will be collected from the dead and dying.
Man with a slight head cold insists he is on the verge of death
Man with a slight head cold insists he is on the verge of death, whilst his wife is less than sympathetic.
Xmas tensions rise as husband decorates the house Boris Blue
Family feud erupts after husband turns the house Boris Blue for Xmas. “I’ll burn his Daily Mail collection!” Threatens Mrs Napton
Patient sues NHS after receiving blood from a Tory donor
Labour Party member is suing the NHS after receiving Tory blood during an operation.
The Chatty Chimp 