On the plus side, we did find Priti Patel’s compassion hidden on a barren rock 4.4 billion light years away.
“Why would we bother spying? We recruited most of your civil servants, bought the government and even have our man in the Lords!” says Vlad the Bad
Putin’s invasion of Ukraine is just an audition for the role of Bond Villain that got a bit out of hand.
What’s the point of being a rich, powerful, connected, white-man if you can’t do who the hell you like?
The Party Boat, HMS Moronic, crashes into ice berg, rats flee to save their own skins.
The imminent, unexpected and wildly applauded stabbing of Caesar Johnsonius is underway.
El Queenie to appear in a NYC Court. The Yanks love a Queen, she’ll blow them away, says over entitled twat.
Tories delight “It’s just like the good old days” says one MP as he prepares to feast on another failed leader.
Spurs fans stocking up after it’s announced that cocaine use would lead to football banning order.
“Nobody works harder from a Caribbean beach than the old Coxster.” says Boris.
Catastrophic scenes at cattery as police maim bungling burglar in botched burglary.
This will go down a treat in the Tory heartlands and with the Daily Mail, says Priti Patel