I’m not having it, you can’t go around asking women if they are virgins, not in my pub
Babs bars Jesus from The Pearly Gates pub
The Fat Lady is fed up with repeatedly singing the Star-Spangled Banner
Operatic soprano Obeesi Bracegirdle, The Fat Lady, has told the Chimp of her frustration with performing for the USA presidential election. Well, Honey, the deal was that I would sing the “The […]
‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ slammed for encouraging lockdown breaches
“This song is incredibly insensitive, with its insidious subtext and elitist culture” says woke singleton, Paul
Foot injury claims against Lego jump to a record high
“ooyabastidfookinell” yield Dad as he made the classic error of walking across his child’s bedroom in his socks
Owner of the original Time Machine now in Government
A man of portly stature, a buffoon type, blustering, with his clownish personality hiding a manipulative and coercive nature.
Applications for OIrish citizenship increase by 63 million on No-Deal Brexit
Jacob Sea-Fogg confirmed he was ok as he’d moved all his money to Dublin and bought County Kildare.
Johnson brings back tier system to piss off Andy Burnham
Andy Burnham gets trolled by Boris as the tier system is reintroduced.
Anti Bullshit vaccine is 98.5% effective
The impact on social media micro-advertising is expected to be dramatic.
Vaccines Front-Man disputes he’s 94% effective
94% effectiveness is a slur on the Vaccines good name! We always give total satisfaction, guaranteed.
Christmas Truce football match cancelled as angry COVID storms out
I’d already erected the goalposts, painted the lines, and was partway through slicing the oranges.
Does Rupert Bear sh*t in the woods? …erm…Yes, he does
You can take the bear out of the woods, but when it comes to taking the wood out of the bear, there is only one place to do it.
Pooh runs rampant as hunny addiction spirals out of control
Pooh has bene caught in an undercover hunnytrap. After the fuzz tried to by some ‘pure’.
The Chatty Chimp 