Guardian-reading snowflake hides away in shame after agreeing with something said by Piers Morgan. He’s unable to live down the shame of it.
Guardianista in hiding after shamefully agreeing with Piers Morgan
Woman mourns lost dress sense after buying sensible work shoes
A woman is mourning the loss of her dress sense after buying a pair of sensible work shoes in Clarkes. She is inconsolable.
Parliament’s Kitchen accidentally used cocaine in the Spotted Dick
House of Commons kitchen accidentally uses cocaine instead of baking powder in the Spotted Dick but not everyone dined in. Police baffled.
Boris Johnson offers Geoffrey Cox use of his personal apology template
Calamitous clown Boris Johnson has offered the AG, Geoffrey Cox, use of his personal apology template. ‘Everything you need is there’ said Boris.
Ministry Of Defence lock up lazy Scottish Tourist
The Ministry of Defence has locked up a tired Scottish Tourist after he had a ‘bit of a sit down’ on their steps. He’s now rotting in a Vietnamese Hell Hole
“I’d have gotten away with it were it not for those pesky kids!” cries Boris
Masterplan foiled. “I’d have gotten away with it were it not for thise pesky kids!” cries Bozo The Clown. Sweet old Lady saved by Scooby and The Gang!
Jeremy Corbyn Prorogue’s Labour Party Conference
Fed up with his troublesome delegates, especially now he can’t be one, Jeremy Corbyn has decided to Prorogue the Labour Party Conference.
Brexit Is A F*cking Circus And We’re In The Cheap Seats, Says Wales
Meanwhile, not everyone in the UK House is happy about being left alone with the English. Now the Welsh have started looking for a new flat share!
Sun editor sacked after discovery of shameful link to Pontius Pilate
Sun editor sacked after discovery of link to Pontius Pilate discovered. Other staff members promoted after antecedents include, Vlad, Caligula and Goebbels
Civil War follows arrival of US Peacekeepers in Paradise
Donald Trump sends a peacekeeping mission to a peacful nation and starts a civil war. US Churches send Bibles, we send Prince Andrew. Gun sales boom!
Flatmates force Scotland to Move Out in row over living arrangements
Trouble in the flat tonight after Scotland announced she has had enough and was moving out. She’s found a nice wee place just off the coast of Cumbria.
Newly Discovered Beatles Tape Reveals Sinister Soviet Conspiracy
The Beatles were part of a sinister Soviet conspiracy to stop their citizens having to listen to Do-Wop. The songs contain secret codes.
The Chatty Chimp 