Fat Santa ordered to shield from Corona Virus as his weight, diet and lifestyle means he’s in the high-risk group.
Fat Santa told to shield during the bleak mid-winter
Baggy Johnson searches for his Churchill moment
As Boris sits in the Downing Street War Room, pushing wooden blocks about with a broom, dreams of glory in his mind, the nation faces its darkest hour!
Testing fiasco as Matt and Dido run out of fingers and toes to count on
Even though Matt took off his shoes, they couldn’t keep up with the rising numbers.
Newsreaders to get poker-face training following Trump’s positive test
Newsreaders around the world can’t stop laughing at Donald Trump testing positive for Covid. “God certainly has a sense of humour” said one.
Drones to deliver e-bollockings to groups of 6 or more
Howler drones will identify groups of more than 6, then they will deliver an e-bollocking until they’ve gone
The Great Fire of London to stop the spread of Corona Virus
Using a great fire to make people homeless is a small price to pay for making me even richer, says Sir Richard Head.
Three of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse are in quarantine
Corona Virus pandemic has forced three of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse into self-isolation Death, however, is still at work.
Everyone is to be issued with a Zorb ball
Everyone will get a Zorbing Ball, that way they can socially distance, stay safe and save the plastics industry.
Boris brings in the Mounties to run Track and Trace
The Mountie’s always get their man, so we are going to use that expertise to track down the contacts and bring them in.
For Scrying Out Loud
Government to replace the algorithm with scrying and casting the runes.
Government launch Operation Sunkirk to bring Brits home
We need to get these people home before they realise how much better off they are in France
Wombles run rampant on Wimbledon Common
The horny little buggers have too much time on their paws and the result is that they are making more wombles.
The Chatty Chimp 