Government to replace the algorithm with scrying and casting the runes.
Government changes procurement rules to the Service Contract Assignment Method (SCAM)
The Service Contract Assignment Method will ensure transparency when it comes to bribes and back handers
Ryan Air launch Calais/Dover Ferry Service
Anyone refusing to pay, has the option to swim, after all, it’s a free country. What’s more, our landing points are miles away from anywhere, just like the real thing!
Chris Grayling earns his own chapter in The Book of Heroic Failures
With a Government majority of 80, the PM’s support, and Cummings strategizing he still lost to someone nobody had heard of!
Chris Grayling is The Secret Barrister
The regular attacks on Chris Grayling, by Secret, were a cunning plan to throw investigators off the scent.
Attempts to organise a piss-up in a brewery on hold
Failing to ‘pour himself a pint’ from the brewery’s 8,000 barrels, causing a fire and drowning several staff members
Where’s Wally sponsor Boris’s world-beating Track and Trace Programme
The 3 book training programme; Wally goes to Barnard Castle, Wally goes to Specsavers and Wally’s in the Rose Garden.
Stay Alert and keep 2 metres away from The Daily Mail
If you are accidently exposed to The Daily Mail, please contact the authorities and book counselling, pictures of puppies may alleviate your distress.
Bojocchio becomes locked in Downing Street
As Bojocchio’s nose kept growing, every time he spoke, the emergency carpenter’s services are to be retained on a permanent basis.
Covid App trial cancelled after designer’s Gran signs up to Tinder by mistake
Well I never, i thought it would alert me to infected people, never did I dream it was a shopping list of eligible men.
Cabinet Ministers, hedge fund managers and wealthy businessmen launch a £3B Social Aid Fund
Having benefited from everything that our society has to offer, it was the least we could do to give something back.
NHS Staff to be fitted with Gimp Suits to meet PPE shortage
We’re all doing very well, says Government. We are ordering the fetish wear because we want to make sure staff are fully protected and not because we forgot