Now matter how hard I try, it turns out that I am really shite, admits Professional Footballer, 110% is not enough!
“I give 110%, but it turns out I am shite!” says Professional Footballer
Donald Trump moves up to the 3rd Grade
“I did the remembering thing, with the things and then I did that thing with the letters” says Moron.
Foreign agents must register for a ‘Right to Spy’ permit
The one thing Russia doesn’t need to bother spying on is Britain. No! they bought that years ago.
Apple are the big winners as Huawei lose Voice of God contract
Old Harry from Huawei says “this is either. a plot to discredit a fine upstanding organisation, racism or none of your bloody business”
Chris Grayling earns his own chapter in The Book of Heroic Failures
With a Government majority of 80, the PM’s support, and Cummings strategizing he still lost to someone nobody had heard of!
Rashford says “Don’t you make me come down there and sort this out!”
If this Daniel Rashford hadn’t starved as a child, who knows where he would have ended up. Arsenal Rovers probably!
Chris Grayling is The Secret Barrister
The regular attacks on Chris Grayling, by Secret, were a cunning plan to throw investigators off the scent.
Met Police to teach cops not to get caught being racist
He was wearing a loud shirt, after dark, in a built up area. The bastard.
Prince Andrew’s disastrous appearance on Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
Opting to call a friend, Liz from Windsor she answered “One doesn’t know anyone of that name, please don’t call here again!”
‘Keep the statues’ says the blonde balloon.
Apart from Amritsar, the Mau Mau, the Irish Famine, the Slave Trade, Concentration Camps, Partition and Famine in India WHAT HAVE THE BRITISH EVER DONE FOR US?
Attempts to organise a piss-up in a brewery on hold
Failing to ‘pour himself a pint’ from the brewery’s 8,000 barrels, causing a fire and drowning several staff members
Piers Morgan injures himself by falling off his High Horse
His High Horse is huge, measuring 21 egos and generating a tin of shite
The Chatty Chimp 