Would you adam it? fuckin’ Paris, says The Mockney Lad.
As air quality improves the Eiffel Tower is now visible from The Shard
Police to enforce social distancing by using a British Yardstick
The French will make The British Yardstick by cutting the handles off OAP’s walking sticks. Under EU rules, the stick will be in meters.
Queen to give up 30% of her income to help out the less fortunate
The cut means that the minor Royals will have to be furloughed until the crisis is over.
Matt Hancock preparing Expletive Speech
Look, it’s not complicated you C%$^, just stay the f%^& away from every other c^&*
Deaf signer accused of misinterpreting what Boris said
Signer brings the country together when he accidentally calls Boris a wanker
Commemoration of the death of our Savior, Donald J Trump
The World gathers to give thanks to its savior, Donald J Trump, sadly misunderstood in his own time now revered by the survivors
Mark Francois to stand in for Boris Johnson
A good soldier is always ready, I’ve got my potato-peeler
NHS Staff to be fitted with Gimp Suits to meet PPE shortage
We’re all doing very well, says Government. We are ordering the fetish wear because we want to make sure staff are fully protected and not because we forgot
In the face of a national crisis, Boris rekindles the Blitz Spirit
Please gather together in tube stations and sing rounds of ‘My Old Man’s a Dustman’
Priti Patel to fight for UFC title under the name Paticake
“I can take those bitches down. I eat pussies like you for breakfast” says Paticake
Markets rally as Donald leads an anti-Corona Virus prayer meeting
Of course more poor people will die, that is because the American God doesn’t like poor people.
Satan announces delight at impending fatherhood
Satan announces impending fatherhood, “Being able to pass on the family business will leave more time to work on my golf handicap” he says.
The Chatty Chimp 