As soon as the company is registered at Companies House it will be awarded ‘loads of dosh’ to track and trace fish
Government to launch Track and Trace App for Fish
House of Commons stage Ice Dance Spectacular
Princess Flo is a kind soul who is gentle, charitable and caring: This angers Quill, who casts an evil spell over her that turns her heart to ice.
Mutant AI sues Boris Johnson for defamation
You sacks of water are a real puzzle, killing each other and breeding replacements, make your mind up.. Says AI
Education Department sack the tea lady as exam row rumbles on
The Tea Lady was unavailable, having just bought a 4 bed house in the Cotswolds, a new car and a French holiday home.
The truth is wayyyy out there…
Wearing metallic millinery should be down to personal choice. says foiler
La Liga offer counselling to victims of Messi
I am considering moving to Manchester United, so I don’t have to play him again
What A Carry On! starring Sid Johnson, Kenneth Williamson and Hatti Patel
The plot is ruddy hilarious, you’d think it could never happen in real life, but it has
Smell something different with Westminster Scented Candles
The Commons candle smells of freshly laundered money, Russian Vodka and Dry Rot, with high-notes of Bullshit
Hancock appoints proven failure, Dido Harding, to take the blame
When it comes to justifying failure you need someone with lots of experience.
Gavin, why did you do that to me? cries chronic underachiever
“I was quite happy with the downgrade, it saved an awkward conversation with my over achieving parents. I just want to go to Uni to drink, smoke pot and meet girls that I’ll totally fail to get off with.” Typical Student
Humans kicked out of Ape family in disgrace
Humans booted out of the Ape tribe. “Strategically shaved idiot, more like” says Ape
Man United crash out of the UEFA LDV Vans Coca-Cola Shield
Man United, booted out of Europe’s second most pointless trophy, they don’t even have the consolation of a consolation prize in Le Consolation cup.
The Chatty Chimp 