Unless we abide by social distancing rules, we will all be back on the bloody doorstep, clapping
Lockdown reintroduced to prevent the return of doorstep clapping
Where’s Wally sponsor Boris’s world-beating Track and Trace Programme
The 3 book training programme; Wally goes to Barnard Castle, Wally goes to Specsavers and Wally’s in the Rose Garden.
The Government have handled Covid-19 brilliantly, says Boris
We did everything we could, when we should have done it, even though we didn’t know what we were doing!
Covid App trial cancelled after designer’s Gran signs up to Tinder by mistake
Well I never, i thought it would alert me to infected people, never did I dream it was a shopping list of eligible men.
BBC News coverage to be cut to 10 minutes a day
‘Same shit different day has never been more true than now, we may as well save some dosh’ says BBC Exec
Seagulls useless at fishing
Seagulls have lost the ability to fish, since the bins are empty and no one has a bag of chips they can rob, they are starving.
Baccy giant BAT Bowled By Covid
‘One guy eats an undercooked bat and now we’ve got to change our name.’ moans BAT exec
As air quality improves the Eiffel Tower is now visible from The Shard
Would you adam it? fuckin’ Paris, says The Mockney Lad.
God, the Big G, the Lad Himself, has decided to self-isolate
The Big G has self-isolated, his Doctor insists it is merely a precaution. The faithful would pray for him but ….
Queen to give up 30% of her income to help out the less fortunate
The cut means that the minor Royals will have to be furloughed until the crisis is over.
Remember to delete your browsing history before you’re admitted to hospital
Turns out that Grandad had secret passion for One Direction, I just thank God that no-one else knew about it
Highgate Head claims being a ‘Shakra and Vibration Guru’ doesn’t qualify you as a key worker
Look after your own bloody child says stressed out head and take your bloody crystals with you
The Chatty Chimp 