In a tightly fought contest, Bristol beat Amsterdam, Paris and Madrid to become the cocaine capital of Europe. Russell Brand denies he lives there.
Bristol top of the cocaine league for the second year running
Have you been mis-sold a Brexit? You may have a claim!
Where there is blame there is a claim. There has been lots of blame, now it’s time for the claim.
Homeless Southend man forced to eat in Starbucks
A homeless Southend man was made to eat in Starbucks after a well-wisher forced food upon him. Staff tried to throw the vagrant out but failed.
ERG announce they have finally finished their study into Europe
European Research Group have finished their Government-funded study into Europe and determined it’s all full of Johnnie Foreigner and his rum customs.
The Nobel Prize for Sciencing goes to Gwyneth Paltrow for Gloop
The Nobel Prize for Sciencing goes to Gwyneth Paltrow and her groundbreaking work with her company, Gloop. Proving looks trumps brains, every time.
Line of Duty returns for 6th series with even more acronyms
Line of Duty returns for a 6th series, chock full of pointless acronyms. The breakthrough came when the writer discovered Boggle. Fans are ROFLMAO
Veganist gutted to discover he could have had meat for the last 25 years
Veganist gutted to discover he could have had meat for the last 25 years. Scientists find meat’s good for you, the planet and the animals. No more Quorn!
Donald Trump Opens A New Hotel And Golf Course – On The Moon
Donald Trump set to open a new hotel and golf course on the moon. The rest of the galaxy aren’t happy about being evicted from the planned car park.
Travel company offers a middle-class package tour to the lower-classes
A leading travel company is offering the middle-classes an authentic ‘lower-class’ living experience, complete with budget shopping with common people.
Woman mourns lost dress sense after buying sensible work shoes
A woman is mourning the loss of her dress sense after buying a pair of sensible work shoes in Clarkes. She is inconsolable.
Have you been mis-sold a lottery ticket? Were you promised riches beyond compare? Then one legal firm thinks they can get you your money back
Have you been mis-sold a lottery ticket then some sharks in shiny suits think you may be due compensation but you’ll lose again.
Scottish commuter goes ballistic as idiot blocks ticket barrier at tube station
Commuter goes off on one after a business man blocks the ticket barrier. Should there be an etiquette guide to travelling on The Tube?
The Chatty Chimp 