The Commons candle smells of freshly laundered money, Russian Vodka and Dry Rot, with high-notes of Bullshit
Smell something different with Westminster Scented Candles
Gavin, why did you do that to me? cries chronic underachiever
“I was quite happy with the downgrade, it saved an awkward conversation with my over achieving parents. I just want to go to Uni to drink, smoke pot and meet girls that I’ll totally fail to get off with.” Typical Student
Humans kicked out of Ape family in disgrace
Humans booted out of the Ape tribe. “Strategically shaved idiot, more like” says Ape
For Scrying Out Loud
Government to replace the algorithm with scrying and casting the runes.
Rashford says “Don’t you make me come down there and sort this out!”
If this Daniel Rashford hadn’t starved as a child, who knows where he would have ended up. Arsenal Rovers probably!
Met Police to teach cops not to get caught being racist
He was wearing a loud shirt, after dark, in a built up area. The bastard.
‘Keep the statues’ says the blonde balloon.
Apart from Amritsar, the Mau Mau, the Irish Famine, the Slave Trade, Concentration Camps, Partition and Famine in India WHAT HAVE THE BRITISH EVER DONE FOR US?
Attempts to organise a piss-up in a brewery on hold
Failing to ‘pour himself a pint’ from the brewery’s 8,000 barrels, causing a fire and drowning several staff members
Union Jack painted upside-down on BJ’s new plane
How do I know which way the flag’s supposed to go? I’m from Rochdale!
Mail readers explode on discovering ‘being tolerant’ means putting up with ‘them’
“I’m very tolerant, me” says one reader “But why can’t they be more like us, it ain’t natural”
Chatty Chimp is the 83rd Best Satire Site on the Internet
It’s a lesson that you don’t need hard work, dedication and talent to succeed!
Man Turns Into Chlorinated Superhero
I can clean anything, I’m Super Chlorinated Chicken Man
The Chatty Chimp 