If you are committed to being in the traffic jam anyway, if you’ve booked your slot, you don’t actually need to be there.
Lorry drivers can pre-book their own space in the Brexit traffic jam
Mirror, mirror on the wall, whose the sneakiest one of all?
Under the rule of six, the dwarves are cut down to five; Gropey, Dunc, Baleful, Sleazy and Creepy.
Three of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse are in quarantine
Corona Virus pandemic has forced three of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse into self-isolation Death, however, is still at work.
Everyone is to be issued with a Zorb ball
Everyone will get a Zorbing Ball, that way they can socially distance, stay safe and save the plastics industry.
Clean Your Fridge Campaign launched as mouldy food achieves sentience
The mould evolved after the internet enabled fridge accessed Google
Millionaire winner celebrates with a caravan holiday
If he didn’t know what to do with it, he could have phoned a friend!
Boris brings in the Mounties to run Track and Trace
The Mountie’s always get their man, so we are going to use that expertise to track down the contacts and bring them in.
Government to boost national mood with Meh! Britannia, Spitfire production and Jingoism
Spitfire production will restart in Swindon, when the Honda factory closes down. Britannia will rule again.
City reaps financial bonanza as pound plummets on No Deal
It’s been a difficult year, i know chaps who have struggled to make £20million, don’t know how they survive
Hell plans to increase capacity in its 8th and 9th circles
The sudden influx of the damned has raised concerns about Lucifer’s planning of the COVID pandemic
Track and Trace find’s Lord Lucan
Look at what we have found, A left-sided English mid-fielder, Lord Lucan and the rest of Boris’s children
Lockdown reintroduced to prevent the return of doorstep clapping
Unless we abide by social distancing rules, we will all be back on the bloody doorstep, clapping
The Chatty Chimp 