“It’s another BoJo special, millions spent and nothing ever built.” says Heath Robinson, Builder.
Johnson to defeat storms by fitting the UK with double glazing
The Police launch hunt for 20,000 missing Bobbies
“You’d think 20,000 men in pointy hats would be easy to find, but no, not a sign of them” says Chief Constable
All Hail Ming The Merciless, Emperor
Ming The Merciless heralds in a government for the wealthy by the wealthy.
Government opens up HS3, a chuffing service from Caernarfon to Rhyl
The Welsh Musket Train flying from Caernarfon to Rhyl in a day and a half.
Prince Harry granted asylum in Canada as he flees his angry Gran
Fleeing persecution from his angry Gran, Prince Harry has been granted political asylum in Canada.
Hunchback of Notre Dame to make Big Ben bong on Brexit Day
Hunchback of Notre Dame to make Big Ben bong. Mark Francois ‘If you wanted an ugly, repulsive, hunch-back to ring the bell, surely it should have been me?’
Terrorists think attacking Prince Andy will harm their reputation
Terrorists think attacking Prince Andy will harm their reputation so security services have removed his personal protection squad.
Jacob Rees-Mogg wins BAFTA for his role in Dracula
Jacob Rees-Mogg wins a Best Actor BAFTA for Dracula. He was so believable as the callous, rapacious blood sucker, it was as though he were a Vampire.
Downing Street Gridlocked Following Boris Johnson’s Call To Interview “Weirdos” For Government
A call has gone out to recruit weirdos to run the country as the existing weirdos are not doing a good enough job
Jacob Rees-Mogg gets Hampshire for Xmas
In answer to the question: This Xmas what do you get the man who has everything? In Jacob Rees-Mogg’s case, the answer is the county of Hampshire.
Boris confirms all manifesto promises are affordable as Chris Grayling isn’t in the Cabinet
Boris confirms all manifesto promises are affordable as Chris Grayling is not in the cabinet, this means unicorns for everyone!
Xmas tensions rise as husband decorates the house Boris Blue
Family feud erupts after husband turns the house Boris Blue for Xmas. “I’ll burn his Daily Mail collection!” Threatens Mrs Napton
The Chatty Chimp 