Government to replace the algorithm with scrying and casting the runes.
For Scrying Out Loud
Government launch Operation Sunkirk to bring Brits home
We need to get these people home before they realise how much better off they are in France
Government changes procurement rules to the Service Contract Assignment Method (SCAM)
The Service Contract Assignment Method will ensure transparency when it comes to bribes and back handers
Isolated tribe of Special Advisers roam the corridors of power
It appears that the policies they have devised are so impenetrably convoluted that even the politicians can’t understand them.
Yorkshire people are banned from London
They are easy to identify with their, pasty white skin, glum expression and ginger tinge
Fantasy Theme Park visit doesn’t have a happy ending
It was pink and glittery as advertised, but the skin looked suspiciously like spandex.
Ryan Air launch Calais/Dover Ferry Service
Anyone refusing to pay, has the option to swim, after all, it’s a free country. What’s more, our landing points are miles away from anywhere, just like the real thing!
Illegal partygoers to be Strung Out!
Strung Out said “We have all been at a party where someone gets an acoustic guitar and starts playing Wonderwall: The room clears in seconds.
Management Consultants go to Hell
Satan calls in the Management Consultants after receiving a bigger tax bill than Amazon
President Trump bans Tic-Tac-Toe
“Only the cleverest people can play it, I’m so good I get extra points.” says Donald
Wombles run rampant on Wimbledon Common
The horny little buggers have too much time on their paws and the result is that they are making more wombles.
“I give 110%, but it turns out I am shite!” says Professional Footballer
Now matter how hard I try, it turns out that I am really shite, admits Professional Footballer, 110% is not enough!
The Chatty Chimp 