“When it comes to lying in front of the TV all day, doing cock all, I am your man,” says Grandad
Grandad, what did you do in the Corona War?
Deaf signer accused of misinterpreting what Boris said
Signer brings the country together when he accidentally calls Boris a wanker
Fit Driver gets revenge on Traffic Warden by parking in a disabled bay
“He got me months ago, but there was no one about today so I parked there again, I walked 1.5 miles to the shop but I showed him”
Commemoration of the death of our Savior, Donald J Trump
The World gathers to give thanks to its savior, Donald J Trump, sadly misunderstood in his own time now revered by the survivors
Wannabe super villain misunderstands ‘Clap For Our NHS’
Evil plan to give the NHS a bloody good dose of the clap, thwarted!
After 2 days in lockdown, a couple married for 30 years are to divorce
How does her brain keep going, filled with all that rubbish, it just flows out of her, 24/7
Mike Cashley to use the Legions of the Damned to keep his shops open
All Mr S Atan wanted in return was my eternal soul, and as it doesn’t exist I was happy to sign it over.
Netflix to buy ITV 1970s comedy, Crossroads and Mrs Brown’s Boys
When it comes to providing the quality streaming tv we won’t be beaten says Netflix executive
Teenage boys in danger of dehydration from excessive ‘activity’ warns Doctor
Teenage boys likely to engage in ‘activity’ more often than a Bonobo on Crack
Theresa May hospitalised after pissing herself with laughter at Boris’s troubles!
Theresa has become severely dehydrated as she is constantly pissing herself with laughter. If Boris doesn’t stop it could kill her.
At least the Corona Virus will reduce pension payments, says Boris
Not only will this free hospital beds, allow us to cut social services, solve the TV license problem we will save a fortune in pension payments
In the face of a national crisis, Boris rekindles the Blitz Spirit
Please gather together in tube stations and sing rounds of ‘My Old Man’s a Dustman’
The Chatty Chimp 