Spurs fans stocking up after it’s announced that cocaine use would lead to football banning order.
Boris Johnson resists the campaign to get Cox Out
“Nobody works harder from a Caribbean beach than the old Coxster.” says Boris.
UN Criticises Priti Patel for using Doctor’s receptionists to repel migrants
This will go down a treat in the Tory heartlands and with the Daily Mail, says Priti Patel
Unlike Gavin, can you tell if this man plays rugby or football?
The man can’t tell the difference between rugby and football, it’s outrageous. It’s just not cricket!
Guild of Fairies denies any association with Boris Johnson
The fairies deny any association with Boris Johnson and they are up in arms at the suggestion, the unicorns aren’t too chuffed either.
Shapps introduces conscription to end HGV Driver shortage
Conscription will make the most of teenagers ability to sit on their arse for hours on end, while eating junk food and farting. said Shatts
Rumours of The Chatty Chimp’s demise were a little previous
Chatty’s back and he’s bloody annoyed with England’s plastic patriots. You’ve woken him from his afternoon nap.
Everyone thinks Minister is a soulless machine as he fails The Turing Test
Audience identifies minsters responses as a machine. Turing left baffled.
Priti Patel claims she is innocent after massive pay-off to bullying victim
We would like to make it clear that there is no suggestion that an enormous cash pay off in anyway suggests that Priti Patel is guilty, absolutely not.
Thames Water to use politicians bullshit to power homes
There are plans to extend the renewable energy scheme to Town Halls, Churches and Piers Morgan’s studio.
Boris Johnson announces new ‘Clap for Clap for carers’
Look, I need a gimmick to distract people, otherwise they will realise that this shit show is all my fault
The Shite strikes Free Trade Agreement with Mordor
The Shite strikes a Free Trade Agreement with Mordor because it is a long way off and hard to get to