When it comes to justifying failure you need someone with lots of experience.
Hancock appoints proven failure, Dido Harding, to take the blame
Gavin, why did you do that to me? cries chronic underachiever
“I was quite happy with the downgrade, it saved an awkward conversation with my over achieving parents. I just want to go to Uni to drink, smoke pot and meet girls that I’ll totally fail to get off with.” Typical Student
For Scrying Out Loud
Government to replace the algorithm with scrying and casting the runes.
Government launch Operation Sunkirk to bring Brits home
We need to get these people home before they realise how much better off they are in France
Government changes procurement rules to the Service Contract Assignment Method (SCAM)
The Service Contract Assignment Method will ensure transparency when it comes to bribes and back handers
Isolated tribe of Special Advisers roam the corridors of power
It appears that the policies they have devised are so impenetrably convoluted that even the politicians can’t understand them.
Donald Trump moves up to the 3rd Grade
“I did the remembering thing, with the things and then I did that thing with the letters” says Moron.
Foreign agents must register for a ‘Right to Spy’ permit
The one thing Russia doesn’t need to bother spying on is Britain. No! they bought that years ago.
Chris Grayling earns his own chapter in The Book of Heroic Failures
With a Government majority of 80, the PM’s support, and Cummings strategizing he still lost to someone nobody had heard of!
Chris Grayling is The Secret Barrister
The regular attacks on Chris Grayling, by Secret, were a cunning plan to throw investigators off the scent.
‘Keep the statues’ says the blonde balloon.
Apart from Amritsar, the Mau Mau, the Irish Famine, the Slave Trade, Concentration Camps, Partition and Famine in India WHAT HAVE THE BRITISH EVER DONE FOR US?
Attempts to organise a piss-up in a brewery on hold
Failing to ‘pour himself a pint’ from the brewery’s 8,000 barrels, causing a fire and drowning several staff members
The Chatty Chimp 