“You don’t get something for nothing unless your mates with ministers, oligarchs, crooks and posh boys from Eton. It’s the British way. says Derek.
Britain’s remaining Tory voter to turn out the lights
5-yr-old brought in to explain Liz Truss’s energy cap to Liz Truss
Liz, it was your policy, you announced it, the least you can do is understand it!
Universal Credit claimants welcome the chance to hide their money in UK-Based tax-havens
“No more flying to the Caymans to hide my money when I can just pootle along the M20 to hide my money” says Benefit Claimant.
The Pound achieves parity with The Peanut
As The Pound continues to plummet, the price of peanuts has been rising steadily. Nuts are seen as the safer option for investors.
Graham Brady receives letters of no confidence in Liz Truss
Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, in comes Liz Truss.
Boris Johnson to be elevated to Sainthood
“Finally, someone appreciates everything I have done.” Says St Boris of Bumbletown, patron saint of liars, cheats and swindlers.
Liz Truss buys a hide-in fridge
Fed up with looking foolish every time she opens her mouth, Thick Lizzie plans to copy Boris and hide in a fridge when the going gets tough.
James Webb Telescope unable to find Brexit Benefits
On the plus side, we did find Priti Patel’s compassion hidden on a barren rock 4.4 billion light years away.
Brexit Opportunities Minister makes the most of his opportunity to sell the Pound
Look, if one can do it, anyone can do it, says the man selling Britain, as fast as he can, “It’s a great opportunity”
Brits promise to punish Putin by not buying a Lada
That’ll show ’em says classic car enthusiast and peace protestor, Ian Napton
Priti Patel opens Pop Up Taco Bar to help Ukrainian Refugees
“Why would we bother spying? We recruited most of your civil servants, bought the government and even have our man in the Lords!” says Vlad the Bad
Vladimir Putin gets cat and moves to secret underground lair
Putin’s invasion of Ukraine is just an audition for the role of Bond Villain that got a bit out of hand.
The Chatty Chimp 