Well I never, i thought it would alert me to infected people, never did I dream it was a shopping list of eligible men.
Covid App trial cancelled after designer’s Gran signs up to Tinder by mistake
Cabinet Ministers, hedge fund managers and wealthy businessmen launch a £3B Social Aid Fund
Having benefited from everything that our society has to offer, it was the least we could do to give something back.
NHS Staff to be fitted with Gimp Suits to meet PPE shortage
We’re all doing very well, says Government. We are ordering the fetish wear because we want to make sure staff are fully protected and not because we forgot
Priti Patel to fight for UFC title under the name Paticake
“I can take those bitches down. I eat pussies like you for breakfast” says Paticake
Corona Virus outbreak means we can all stop hugging each other
Millions of Brits are secretly relieved that the outbreak of the Corona Virus means they can stop hugging people they barely know. For the last twenty years the British people have been […]
Boris confirms all manifesto promises are affordable as Chris Grayling isn’t in the Cabinet
Boris confirms all manifesto promises are affordable as Chris Grayling is not in the cabinet, this means unicorns for everyone!
World’s greatest detectives can’t find a politicians promise being honoured
The World’s greatest detectives have been unable to find any evidence of a politicians election promise being honoured. “It’s all bull” says Miss Marple
Teachers claim “there are not enough hours in the day” so the DfE has increased the day to 27 hours
In its relentless drive to make teachers lives more miserable, the DfE has added 3 extra hours to the day, claiming that ‘now there are enough hours’.
Education minister cuts school chair budget ‘Why do we need 1 chair per child?’ asks idiot
Education minister cuts school chair budget ‘Why do we need 1 chair per child?’ Let’s not throw good money after people who will never vote Tory says idiot
Police Service to provide more officers for criminals to attack
Government reverse police cuts to spread out the number of attack each officer faces. Plan is to cut the number to 3 or 4 attacks per copper
Minister furious after discovering schools spending money on pupils
Schools wasting money by having qualified personnel delivering proper lessons. Less is more claims minister “Do more more with less!” is my motto says idiot
Government declares tomorrow’s leaked Brexit report out of date
Government declares their own unpublished report as out of date. Exciting new theories of space/time possible.
The Chatty Chimp 