Matt makes a right Hancock out of rules for the over 70s as lockdown eases
Rebellious Retirees Rumbled
Lawyers acting for the baby demand paternity test
Spokesmen for Eton, Oxford U and Ford Open Prison have confirmed that the baby is on the waiting list.
Donald Trump to be guinea pig for radical Corona Virus treatment
Despite no medical training what so ever Donald keeps giving out useless medical advice.
BBC News coverage to be cut to 10 minutes a day
‘Same shit different day has never been more true than now, we may as well save some dosh’ says BBC Exec
Carol Vorderman to give the Government maths lessons
Threehundredthousandfourhundredandthirtysixthousandandsevenhundredandtwerty isn’t a mathematical number
Cupid issues a public apology to Carrie Symonds
“I’ll get myself down to Specsavers, should have gone there in the first place” says Cupid
Making money is more important than lifesaving, says hedge fund manager
Look, it is the job of a hedge fund to fleece the market if it goes up or down, we don’t care which.
Cabinet Ministers, hedge fund managers and wealthy businessmen launch a £3B Social Aid Fund
Having benefited from everything that our society has to offer, it was the least we could do to give something back.
Seagulls useless at fishing
Seagulls have lost the ability to fish, since the bins are empty and no one has a bag of chips they can rob, they are starving.
Following Boris Johnson’s miraculous recovery, the Pope is to sanctify Donald Trump
Campaign to have Donald declared St Trump after he miraculously cures Boris of Corona Virus.
Chatty urges you to Clap for the Clapped Out Clappers
It started as a good idea but now its got out of hand, people were even out clapping for politicians that a month ago they would have burned at the stake.
Baccy giant BAT Bowled By Covid
‘One guy eats an undercooked bat and now we’ve got to change our name.’ moans BAT exec
The Chatty Chimp 