I want people to feel that when they are eating my muff we are both connected through the essential mother universe
Greggs to produce Gwyneth Paltrow flavoured muffins
DUP outraged to discover homosexuality isn’t compulsory
After same-sex marriage was legalised in Northern Ireland the DUP were gutted to learn it wasn’t compulsory
Jacob Rees-Mogg wins BAFTA for his role in Dracula
Jacob Rees-Mogg wins a Best Actor BAFTA for Dracula. He was so believable as the callous, rapacious blood sucker, it was as though he were a Vampire.
Man with a slight head cold insists he is on the verge of death
Man with a slight head cold insists he is on the verge of death, whilst his wife is less than sympathetic.
Film Crew Exploiting Australian Bush Fire For Disaster Film “Koalageddon” Arrested
There is a burning bush down under that some men are trying to put out with their big hoses. Film at 11.
Derek Acorah, noted psychic, spiritualist and medium dies unexpectedly
Following the death of the noted psychic, Derek Acorah, he announces details of his new series, Death is not the Final Word.
Downing Street Gridlocked Following Boris Johnson’s Call To Interview “Weirdos” For Government
A call has gone out to recruit weirdos to run the country as the existing weirdos are not doing a good enough job
Pope Francis to star in Rocky 8 ‘Who’s the Daddy?’
In the Red Corner, The Holy Roller himself, it’s The Pope and in the Blue Corner the undisputed hero Crocky Balboa
Mum saves time by throwing the Xmas Food shop into the bin
Mum saves time at Xmas by throwing he Xmas food shop straight into the bun
Jacob Rees-Mogg gets Hampshire for Xmas
In answer to the question: This Xmas what do you get the man who has everything? In Jacob Rees-Mogg’s case, the answer is the county of Hampshire.
Middle-aged man loses his dignity at the office Xmas party
Middle-aged man has his Xmas party spoilt after a young girl ‘disrespects’ him.
Boris confirms all manifesto promises are affordable as Chris Grayling isn’t in the Cabinet
Boris confirms all manifesto promises are affordable as Chris Grayling is not in the cabinet, this means unicorns for everyone!
The Chatty Chimp 