Even though Matt took off his shoes, they couldn’t keep up with the rising numbers.
Testing fiasco as Matt and Dido run out of fingers and toes to count on
Asylum seekers to be sent to a remote island, just not this one
The Orkneys, Shetlands and Anglesey are popular destinations as they are miles away from London.
Newsreaders to get poker-face training following Trump’s positive test
Newsreaders around the world can’t stop laughing at Donald Trump testing positive for Covid. “God certainly has a sense of humour” said one.
e-gull drones to disperse illegal crowds, raves and demo’s
E-Gulls can stay up for hours, monitoring events before squawking, pooping and flying down to nick your chips
The Federal United King Dom
As Britain proceeds to turn itself into a Domocracy, it will cease to be the UK and become Royally FUKD.
Drones to deliver e-bollockings to groups of 6 or more
Howler drones will identify groups of more than 6, then they will deliver an e-bollocking until they’ve gone
Alan Partridge statute torn down by Comedians Lives Matter
He put boring, tedious, middle-class, white men on the comedy map. He paved the way for Michael McIntyre
Big rock misses the Earth by 300 million miles
Everyday millions of tons of space rock, debris and old Tesla’s fly past the Earth. It’s nothing to be worried about.
The Great Fire of London to stop the spread of Corona Virus
Using a great fire to make people homeless is a small price to pay for making me even richer, says Sir Richard Head.
Lorry drivers can pre-book their own space in the Brexit traffic jam
If you are committed to being in the traffic jam anyway, if you’ve booked your slot, you don’t actually need to be there.
Mirror, mirror on the wall, whose the sneakiest one of all?
Under the rule of six, the dwarves are cut down to five; Gropey, Dunc, Baleful, Sleazy and Creepy.
Three of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse are in quarantine
Corona Virus pandemic has forced three of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse into self-isolation Death, however, is still at work.
The Chatty Chimp 