Fed up with looking foolish every time she opens her mouth, Thick Lizzie plans to copy Boris and hide in a fridge when the going gets tough.
Liz Truss buys a hide-in fridge
James Webb Telescope unable to find Brexit Benefits
On the plus side, we did find Priti Patel’s compassion hidden on a barren rock 4.4 billion light years away.
Brits promise to punish Putin by not buying a Lada
That’ll show ’em says classic car enthusiast and peace protestor, Ian Napton
Priti Patel opens Pop Up Taco Bar to help Ukrainian Refugees
“Why would we bother spying? We recruited most of your civil servants, bought the government and even have our man in the Lords!” says Vlad the Bad
Vladimir Putin gets cat and moves to secret underground lair
Putin’s invasion of Ukraine is just an audition for the role of Bond Villain that got a bit out of hand.
Rats flee sinking ship as party boat springs a leak
The Party Boat, HMS Moronic, crashes into ice berg, rats flee to save their own skins.
Brutus and Co start dagger collection for Caesar
The imminent, unexpected and wildly applauded stabbing of Caesar Johnsonius is underway.
Charitable Chatty raises funds to buy Boris a lifetime supply of condoms
Let’s club together and make sure that no more children have to suffer the shame of admitting Boris is their Dad.
Boris Johnson to lose passport after admitting cocaine use
Spurs fans stocking up after it’s announced that cocaine use would lead to football banning order.
Boris Johnson resists the campaign to get Cox Out
“Nobody works harder from a Caribbean beach than the old Coxster.” says Boris.
Boris reassures the nation’s kids that there is no shortage of Xmas toys
Of course there is a shortage of Xmas toys, Boris has bought them all for his kids!
UN Criticises Priti Patel for using Doctor’s receptionists to repel migrants
This will go down a treat in the Tory heartlands and with the Daily Mail, says Priti Patel
The Chatty Chimp 