Teenage boys likely to engage in ‘activity’ more often than a Bonobo on Crack
Teenage boys in danger of dehydration from excessive ‘activity’ warns Doctor
Theresa May hospitalised after pissing herself with laughter at Boris’s troubles!
Theresa has become severely dehydrated as she is constantly pissing herself with laughter. If Boris doesn’t stop it could kill her.
At least the Corona Virus will reduce pension payments, says Boris
Not only will this free hospital beds, allow us to cut social services, solve the TV license problem we will save a fortune in pension payments
In the face of a national crisis, Boris rekindles the Blitz Spirit
Please gather together in tube stations and sing rounds of ‘My Old Man’s a Dustman’
Burglar given benefits after everyone starts working from home
“I provide a valuable social service” says burglar.”I shouldn’t lose out just because I can’t work from your home!”
Police hunt for the last Australian yet to appear in Neighbours
Cobber is asked to come forward and fulfil his public duty by appearing in an episode of the show
Priti Patel to fight for UFC title under the name Paticake
“I can take those bitches down. I eat pussies like you for breakfast” says Paticake
Spurs to play all their games behind closed doors
Officials at the club took the decision came following their game against RB Leipzig, which ended in a humiliating 0-3 defeat, and exit from The Champions League. The club said that following […]
As the toilet paper shortage begins to bite, Greta Thunberg urges people to recycle
“Please recycle your used bog roll, save the planet and don’t destroy my future” says Greta
Man described by friends as ‘absolutely mental’ diagnosed as ‘a bit of a prat’
People with this condition tend to become office jokers, unwanted party guests or breakfast tv presenters.
Couple’s rejuvenated sex-life ruined when their son comes home from university
Since he has been gone, we’ve been banging for Britain. God, it’s been great.
Toilet Roll shortage leads to surge in demand for Piers Morgan’s Biography
Not as good as the real thing says one user, my finger ripped through!
The Chatty Chimp 