Spurs fans stocking up after it’s announced that cocaine use would lead to football banning order.
Boris Johnson to lose passport after admitting cocaine use
Boris Johnson resists the campaign to get Cox Out
“Nobody works harder from a Caribbean beach than the old Coxster.” says Boris.
Boris reassures the nation’s kids that there is no shortage of Xmas toys
Of course there is a shortage of Xmas toys, Boris has bought them all for his kids!
Man stockpiles his own ’emissions’ as gas shortages mount
This could open new job opportunities in gas creation. Imagine hundreds of middle aged men spending all day drinking beer and eating curry. Heaven,
Cat burglar bungles burglary at cattery when cats strike back
Catastrophic scenes at cattery as police maim bungling burglar in botched burglary.
UN Criticises Priti Patel for using Doctor’s receptionists to repel migrants
This will go down a treat in the Tory heartlands and with the Daily Mail, says Priti Patel
Unlike Gavin, can you tell if this man plays rugby or football?
The man can’t tell the difference between rugby and football, it’s outrageous. It’s just not cricket!
Guild of Fairies denies any association with Boris Johnson
The fairies deny any association with Boris Johnson and they are up in arms at the suggestion, the unicorns aren’t too chuffed either.
Queen’s funeral plans released, British tat makers say “Kerching, Ma’am”
As Britain contemplates life under King Charlie, souvenir tea towel makers are ramping up production.
Shapps introduces conscription to end HGV Driver shortage
Conscription will make the most of teenagers ability to sit on their arse for hours on end, while eating junk food and farting. said Shatts
Amazon Prime hits the jackpot with their new series, Clarkson Takes A Dump
Amazon Prime, really rubbing our noses in it.
Charlie Duckins turns to our Victorian Problem Pages for help and advice
For there is little that troubleth a man more, than an errant wife.
The Chatty Chimp 