The Party Boat, HMS Moronic, crashes into ice berg, rats flee to save their own skins.
Rats flee sinking ship as party boat springs a leak
Brutus and Co start dagger collection for Caesar
The imminent, unexpected and wildly applauded stabbing of Caesar Johnsonius is underway.
Queen to testify that she saw Andrew in Pizza Express
El Queenie to appear in a NYC Court. The Yanks love a Queen, she’ll blow them away, says over entitled twat.
Tories feast on the rotting and bloated flesh of another failed leader
Tories delight “It’s just like the good old days” says one MP as he prepares to feast on another failed leader.
What A Solar Flare Up! Council in climate change cock-up
These buildings are an outstanding example of the most boring, uninspiring and depressing architecture in Britain and they should be protected.
Charitable Chatty raises funds to buy Boris a lifetime supply of condoms
Let’s club together and make sure that no more children have to suffer the shame of admitting Boris is their Dad.
Boris Johnson to lose passport after admitting cocaine use
Spurs fans stocking up after it’s announced that cocaine use would lead to football banning order.
Boris Johnson resists the campaign to get Cox Out
“Nobody works harder from a Caribbean beach than the old Coxster.” says Boris.
Boris reassures the nation’s kids that there is no shortage of Xmas toys
Of course there is a shortage of Xmas toys, Boris has bought them all for his kids!
Man stockpiles his own ’emissions’ as gas shortages mount
This could open new job opportunities in gas creation. Imagine hundreds of middle aged men spending all day drinking beer and eating curry. Heaven,
Cat burglar bungles burglary at cattery when cats strike back
Catastrophic scenes at cattery as police maim bungling burglar in botched burglary.
UN Criticises Priti Patel for using Doctor’s receptionists to repel migrants
This will go down a treat in the Tory heartlands and with the Daily Mail, says Priti Patel
The Chatty Chimp 