We’re all doing very well, says Government. We are ordering the fetish wear because we want to make sure staff are fully protected and not because we forgot
NHS Staff to be fitted with Gimp Suits to meet PPE shortage
Netflix to buy ITV 1970s comedy, Crossroads and Mrs Brown’s Boys
When it comes to providing the quality streaming tv we won’t be beaten says Netflix executive
Teenage boys in danger of dehydration from excessive ‘activity’ warns Doctor
Teenage boys likely to engage in ‘activity’ more often than a Bonobo on Crack
Theresa May hospitalised after pissing herself with laughter at Boris’s troubles!
Theresa has become severely dehydrated as she is constantly pissing herself with laughter. If Boris doesn’t stop it could kill her.
At least the Corona Virus will reduce pension payments, says Boris
Not only will this free hospital beds, allow us to cut social services, solve the TV license problem we will save a fortune in pension payments
In the face of a national crisis, Boris rekindles the Blitz Spirit
Please gather together in tube stations and sing rounds of ‘My Old Man’s a Dustman’
Burglar given benefits after everyone starts working from home
“I provide a valuable social service” says burglar.”I shouldn’t lose out just because I can’t work from your home!”
As the toilet paper shortage begins to bite, Greta Thunberg urges people to recycle
“Please recycle your used bog roll, save the planet and don’t destroy my future” says Greta
Man described by friends as ‘absolutely mental’ diagnosed as ‘a bit of a prat’
People with this condition tend to become office jokers, unwanted party guests or breakfast tv presenters.
Couple’s rejuvenated sex-life ruined when their son comes home from university
Since he has been gone, we’ve been banging for Britain. God, it’s been great.
Toilet Roll shortage leads to surge in demand for Piers Morgan’s Biography
Not as good as the real thing says one user, my finger ripped through!
The Psychotic Gunman of The Year Award goes to …
And the award for the ’employee thought most likely to machine gun a roomful of colleagues’ is…
The Chatty Chimp 