Well, if he wants him, he can have him, I’m off to get a puppy!
Lockdown divorce after husband wins the love of his wife’s cat
Where’s Wally sponsor Boris’s world-beating Track and Trace Programme
The 3 book training programme; Wally goes to Barnard Castle, Wally goes to Specsavers and Wally’s in the Rose Garden.
Boris Johnson insists that Dominic Raab retake his Geography GCSE
he couldn’t find his arse with both hands, he once got lost in a corner, and he had to be rescued after becoming stuck up the wrong creek, sans paddle
Stay Alert and keep 2 metres away from The Daily Mail
If you are accidently exposed to The Daily Mail, please contact the authorities and book counselling, pictures of puppies may alleviate your distress.
The Government have handled Covid-19 brilliantly, says Boris
We did everything we could, when we should have done it, even though we didn’t know what we were doing!
Bojocchio becomes locked in Downing Street
As Bojocchio’s nose kept growing, every time he spoke, the emergency carpenter’s services are to be retained on a permanent basis.
Covid App trial cancelled after designer’s Gran signs up to Tinder by mistake
Well I never, i thought it would alert me to infected people, never did I dream it was a shopping list of eligible men.
Rebellious Retirees Rumbled
Matt makes a right Hancock out of rules for the over 70s as lockdown eases
Lawyers acting for the baby demand paternity test
Spokesmen for Eton, Oxford U and Ford Open Prison have confirmed that the baby is on the waiting list.
Carol Vorderman to give the Government maths lessons
Threehundredthousandfourhundredandthirtysixthousandandsevenhundredandtwerty isn’t a mathematical number
Cupid issues a public apology to Carrie Symonds
“I’ll get myself down to Specsavers, should have gone there in the first place” says Cupid
Cabinet Ministers, hedge fund managers and wealthy businessmen launch a £3B Social Aid Fund
Having benefited from everything that our society has to offer, it was the least we could do to give something back.
The Chatty Chimp 